


The Constant

by Velvet_Velour



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mind fuckery, Mkaz, Non-Linear Narrative, Not Beta Read, POV Multiple, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, VKaz, mgsv spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 02:49:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18682603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velvet_Velour/pseuds/Velvet_Velour
Summary: “Nine years is a long time, Boss,” Ocelot speaks and Venom could swear the man sounds bored. He always does when he talks to Venom. “Your memory may play tricks on you. It'll go back to normal eventually, just give yourself some time.”





	The Constant

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is the only fic I managed to save before my laptop died. Perhaps it was its dying wish to finish this story which I started back in, ugh, 2017. I haven’t written anything in almost a year and this is a confusing mess, so there’s that.  
> Sort of inspired by that one episode of _Lost_ which also happens to be my favourite.

 “Let's move,” Ishmael commands. Ahab can't do much other than nod and try to follow the other man down the stairs. The sound of gunfire and screams is coming from every direction.

He smells something burning. Ahab stops, forgetting about the other man, about the whole place and the armed soldiers sent to kill them.

 

You hesitate because you remember dying. Something hits you in the head, pain exploding in your skull. The flames around you are high and cruel, devouring your body without mercy. You're floating in air or maybe you’re under water. Or perhaps you already ceased to exist.

Your last thought before you die is filled with regret. A girl jumps to her death, tears falling from her big blue eyes. Her blood is on your hands. It will stain you forever.

 

Ahab takes a deep breath. He grunts in pain as he begins to move holding on to a railing. His knuckles go white, the ringing in his ears is deafening. The smoke in the air threatens to suffocate him. For a split second he's sure he can feel his left hand again. He's too afraid to look at his hands–  his _hand_ , soaked in red. The blood belongs to someone he can’t remember.

Ishmael commands him to hide. Ahab obeys. He’s always been good at following orders.

 

* * *

 

Ocelot injects him with another god–knows–what, and he swallows a hiss when the substance enters his bloodstream. It’s odd how he can recognise Ocelot but his own name ( _Venom Snake_ , Ocelot calls him) doesn’t mean anything.

Venom’s cot on the ship is small, thankfully Ocelot has his own. He feels uneasy every time the man as much as glances at him even though Venom’s sure that at one point in his life they were lovers. He remembers something about Russia, many years ago, a young man trying to impress him, and a field of flowers. It doesn’t make any sense at all.

When he sees Ocelot a fleeting image appears in his head. A vase. It stood next to his bed, in hospital he escaped not so long ago. White flowers again. He remembers a petal falling down to the floor. There was always one single flower in a vase next to his hospital bed.

There was, right? He saw nurses replacing it with a new one every now and then. It was a gift from Ocelot, a reminder of sorts. He saw the man with a bouquet once. A big bouquet of white flowers that made him think of death.

He has a feeling the flowers weren't for him.

“Nine years is a long time, Boss,” Ocelot speaks and Venom could swear the man sounds bored. He always does when he talks to Venom. “Your memory may play tricks on you. It'll go back to normal eventually, just give yourself some time.”

 

You see Ocelot standing in front of you, his watchful gaze full of scrutiny. He's looking for something you can't quite understand.

The air feels cold on your skin. You can't move your left arm no matter how hard you try. You must be dreaming.

Ocelot's voice is distant like it's coming from a faraway place. Yet he's right in front of you, his silver hair reaching his shoulders.

His hair is so long. But–

Last time you saw him it was much shorter. Last time you saw him, you two were–

( **lovers** )

“Someone had to take the hit. We all sacrificed a lot for you, John, it's just so happens that it was Miller this time.”

A sigh. It's coming from–

( **you** )

Ocelot isn't looking at you, but at someone standing to his right, a dark mass vaguely shaped like a man. “I'm sending the phantom to get him out.”

The creature from the shadows speaks, “Look at him, he's too weak. I thought the whole point of this was to keep him alive. You could do it yourself.”

“Of course I could, John. One phone call would be enough to let your boy toy free. That would be so easy, don't you think?” There's a hint of something vile in Ocelot's voice. If it was any other person, he'd sound hurt.

“Adam– ” the shadow begins.

“My point is,” Ocelot continues, waving a hand to dismiss any objections, “it's impossible to keep him awake for long. His mind is a jigsaw. There's little I can do to put the pieces in place. He needs something familiar to ground him. I'll get him to Afghanistan and let him loose. With my help he's capable of finding Miller.”

The shadow grumbles something you can't make out.

“It's a good way to form an emotional bond.” Ocelot gestures as he speaks. He talks with his hands as much as with his mouth. “You know how the tale goes, the knight on a white horse saves the princess who in turn falls in love with him. Everyone’s happy, the end.”

You feel your skin burn.

 

Pieces of images he doesn’t understand haunt him so Venom asks Ocelot to give him something to help him sleep. He does exactly that, gives Venom a small pill that Venom swallows without question.

The next day Ocelot shows him a prosthetic hand. It looks odd, is too heavy, the pinkie is missing. Venom wears it anyway. It's what Ocelot tells him to do; he wouldn’t disobey. Venom tries to pick up small things from a table in front of him to test his new hand. Bullets, mostly, and bottle caps. They all fall from his grip and he begins to sweat under Ocelot's glare.

Venom tries again and glances at Ocelot. For a moment he considers pulling him close by that ridiculous red scarf and kissing him. A silly, silly thought just to test things out. There's too much buzzing in his head, too many scrambled thoughts, so kissing his former lover could make things less complicated. Maybe? Is it worth a try?

A bullet falls from his prosthetic fingers. Ocelot lets out a sigh. Venom can't bring himself to look at him. The very thought of kissing Ocelot terrifies him. It's like he's not allowed to do it.

Yet he's sure that at one point in his life they were lovers.

He just can't remember when.

The harder he thinks about it, the more his head hurts, so he dismisses the thought and focuses on the task at hand.

It takes him about half an hour before he can hold small objects in his metal fingers.

Ocelot smiles at him. It's the most terrifying smile Venom has ever seen in his life.

 

* * *

 

Venom wipes the sweat from his forehead, smudging more dirt and blood on his face. He’s cautious, observing Sahelanthropus carefully for a moment. The monster stands still.

The beast has been slain.

A whoosh of air signalises Quiet materializing by his side. They exchange a look, Venom nods and pats her shoulder. She hums, nodding back at him. They make a good team. It’s comforting to know he doesn’t have to say anything, she just gets it.

He’s beyond tired at this point. Watching a helicopter land, a smile tugs at the corners of his lips. Then Kaz calls out for him, reaching out and Venom runs to him, his fatigue forgotten.

He could kiss him. It doesn’t matter Huey is right there, staring. Venom’s heart stops, Kaz is so close he can see those milky blue eyes behind his aviators.

He could kiss him. He never wanted anything more in his life.

Venom hesitates, his head buzzing like he’s drunk, as drunk as–

 

Commander Miller trips over his own feet. Luckily you're quick to catch him. He spills wine on your shirt, the bottle he's holding falls from his hand. It's a warm night in Costa Rica. You forget what you were supposed to do when he closes the distance between you two.

You can taste alcohol on his lips. That's enough to get you drunk. Cecile was right, Miller got the best liquor. The wine’s delicious.

 

Kaz turns his head away. He can't hide that smile he has on his lips, however, and Venom's whole body sings, joy blooming in his heart.

 

* * *

 

“Engravings give you no tactical advantage whatsoever.”

Ocelot gives Venom a nod. Snake can merely stare, listen to the jangle of spurs as Ocelot walks away. Should he say something? He's pretty sure he should yet the meaning of these words, that exact phrase, is lost to him.

He considers going after Ocelot. Grabbing him by the shoulder and asking what the hell he wants. Ocelot's mysterious glare makes Venom uneasy in a way he can't…

He shakes his head. He shouldn't fear the man. After all they used to be lovers.

Didn't they?

His brows knit, drops of sweat covering his forehead. He barely registers soldiers saluting him as they leave. Venom takes a deep breath. He should go to Ocelot and ask him–

_Adam_. He blinks, realization hitting him in the head. He should call Ocelot by his name. Then why he never–

Despite the warm sun Venom Snake feels cold dread on his skin. It's like he's not allowed to call Ocelot by his actual name. It's like that name isn't for him.

But why? At one point in the past–

He wobbles on his feet. His thoughts are nothing but static.

DD emits a soft whine, worried about his master will collapse. Venom crouches down, scratches the dog behind its ears much to DD's delight.

DD is a good dog. Venom shouldn’t make him worry.

 

* * *

 

_C'mon, ###. Let's have some fun. There's nothing wrong with having fun, right?_

His head hurts, the world spinning around him. It feels like his brain refuses to comprehend what's happening no matter how much he wants it, his need nearly burning him alive.

“Yes, just like that,” comes a whisper and Venom looks down on the man sprawled on the bed.

Kaz’s heavy lidded eyes are fixed on Venom. He's gloriously naked, legs wrapped around Snake’s waist. His swollen lips glisten and Venom has to resist the urge to bend down for another kiss.

Their clothes lay in a heap on the floor, a stain in an otherwise spotless private room of Diamond Dogs' XO. Venom peeled off every layer of Miller's clothing, almost tore the light green shirt trying to unbutton it. Impatience makes him careless, then again he waited for so long so he has every right to be impatient.

_There's nothing wrong with having fun, right?_

Venom stops moving. Kaz reacts with a whine, hand reaching to Venom's face.

“Snake, please,” he begs so sweetly Venom's heart may actually break. He looks at their joined bodies, fighting with the strongest déjà vu. “Snake, come on!”

Venom complies and begins to move again, faster and faster until he's panting and Miller pleads with that sweet voice of his, “Don't stop! Don't stop!”

_You have to be cruel to Miller, that's the only way to tame him. Push him until he breaks, and you'll have him happily licking your boots._

Venom pulls out completely, straightens his back. Kaz reacts with a half–swallowed sob that turns into a yelp of panic when he's flipped on his stomach. He can't do anything other than hiss in protest. He struggles to prop his torso up on his remaining arm. He really does look like a broken doll.

_C'mon, **Snake**. Let's have some fun. There's nothing wrong with having fun, right?_

Venom shakes his head, the ache is gone in an instant. He grips Miller's hips hard enough to bruise and thrusts, getting a long moan in return.

Kaz–

 

Commander Miller is more forward than you expected, he goes as far as to fall down on his knees, and it all makes you feel a bit dizzy. He whispers sweet nothings and oh how gorgeous you are when he unzips your fly, completely unashamed. You will never forget how his eyes shine in the darkness of your small room, when you sit on your cot surrounded by stacks of boxes with medical supplies.

Your bed is narrow but it works just fine as you lay down on your back and stare in awe at Miller who gracefully sinks down on your cock. He rides you until you nearly faint.

In the morning your heart breaks into pieces when you see he's not here with you but already on the helipad ready to greet–

In the morning everything is perfectly fine. You come back to Mother Base after a night spent on reconnaissance, and find Kaz waiting for you with a wide smile on his handsome face. You watch him closely because it's suspicious to see him that happy. You know he's been whoring around too much lately. You'll have to do something about it; you can't ignore the rumours forever.

Quite frankly you're getting annoyed yourself. Eventually you'll have to set some rules, beat some sense into him, or else this whole situation will get out of hand.

You chew on your cigar listening to Miller’s report. You have to take care of the situation before it’s too late, it’s for his own good. You’re the boss, you have to keep your subordinates in check. Too bad violence is the only language Kaz understands. You hate the way he sobs after he loses to you, hate how easy it is to beat him into submission.

Why are you lying to yourself?

You love it.

 

Venom stops, his laboured breathing loud in the quiet room. There are faint scars on Miller’s back, most of them memories from Afghanistan. He lets go of his lover’s hips, leaving an imprint of his prosthetic hand.

His body is on fire but his mind is frozen, unable to form a coherent thought. Yet deep down he knows it’s not how it’s supposed to be.

Kaz turns on his back to have a look at Venom. He’s trembling, brows furrowed. Strands of hair stick to his sweaty forehead, his hair ruffled. It’s cute.

“Why did you stop?” he barks. “What the hell is wrong?”

There's so much anger in his milky blue eyes Venom wants to beg for forgiveness. Where is all this anger coming from?

He's almost as angry as he was when–

 

You pull him away from Paz and hold him close. There's not enough room in the tight space but you manage to pull him back, get some distance between the two.

It works like a spell. Commander Miller stops shouting at the girl, lets you hold him in your iron grip.

He turns his face to look at you and for a moment you want to lean in for a kiss, taste those lips and forget about the death around you.

You don't want to let go. You have to–

 

_You have to be cruel to Miller_ –

The voice in his head is loud, persistent. Venom takes a calming breath. The moment he has the courage and strength to to ignore it, it’s like a weight is lifted from his shoulders. He bends down, his lips are on his lover’s neck, hot breath tickling the skin.

“Don't..! Snake, the fuck you're doing?!” Kaz tries to fight but he's too weak and oversensitive. He curses under his breath, hand pushing on Venom's side who relentlessly continues kissing down his neck, gently holding him down.

– _that's the only way to tame him._

“Kaz...” Venom whispers against Miller's skin. He loves saying his name, loves how it rolls off his tongue, loves the images he has in his mind when he says it. He'll make sure to commit this night to memory, every sound and taste. His fickle memories disappear so easily from his head sometimes.

“Kaz,” he repeats, pressing a languid kiss to Miller's exposed neck, and for a split second he remembers–

 

“Call me by my name,” Miller whispers into your ear when a weak _Commander_ leaves your lips.

“Kaz,” you say and never want to stop saying the name for the rest of your days. “Kazuhira.”

“You said it almost correctly,” Miller laughs. It's so honest and pure you want to do everything in your power to hear it again. “Say it ten more times and you'll get it right.”

By the time he's done with you, you've lost count how many times you said his name.

 

“Snake!” Kaz punches him in the shoulder.

Venom inhales, trying to grasp a fleeting memory disappearing from his mind. It's gone in an instant, or it never existed at all. His lips travel down, briefly stopping to kiss the middle of Miller's chest, feel the thundering heart. Kaz jerks his hips up for some much needed friction.

“C’mon, what are you doing…” there’s a pang of embarrassment in Miller’s voice.

Venom looks up to see Kaz blushing, and chuckles.

 

In the morning your heart breaks–

 

In the morning Venom finds Kaz sleeping by his side. There's no trace of anger on his face. When Venom wraps his arms around him Kaz mumbles something in his sleep but lets Snake pull him close.

Venom’s mind drifts away, and he falls asleep again. His heart swells with adoration, his mind at peace.

 

* * *

 

Your head feels heavy. You've been listening to Ocelot talk while you shouldn't be awake at all.

“He needs a constant. A mind can be broken and reshaped but a constant keeps a person from losing touch with reality. One thing that stays the same in a sea of variables. The universe itself can be turned upside down but that one thing will keep a person sane. Now, do you get what I mean?”

Another grunt comes from the shadows.

“I will make him remember me but nothing can compare to his genuine memories. Why destroy something when you can use it, right?” Ocelot's cold laugh makes your blood freeze. “He was part of MSF. He knows Miller. I dare to say he knows him very well.”

His words spark a long forgotten longing deep inside you.  

“It was you who told me Miller liked to open his legs for pretty much everyone back in the MSF. Do you think he takes after his mother?”

There's something like a growl coming from the side. You wish you had the courage to see what's lurking in the dark.

“Miller's whoring will actually help us, so there's no need to be so grumpy about it, John. I would never assume you would be so sentimental about your little tryst...”

“Adam.” It's a low growl. A warning. You feel your skin crawl.

“He will become you, alright, but deep down he'll still be himself. We'll allow him this one little thing.”

Then Ocelot looks straight at you and you’re in a helicopter falling down from the sky, your body on fire. You hit the water and feel numbness devour you when you drown in the ocean.

 

* * *

 

There are several soldiers patrolling the area. Venom lowers his binoculars, listening to Ocelot's intel on the place. He takes one more look at the photo on the iDroid. Kazuhira Miller is waiting for him. He should hurry.

The buzzing in his head never stops. The horn in his skull itches. Venom doesn't want to touch it. Its sharp edge could cut his skin open; he doesn't need to see more blood on his hands.

He hides the first soldier behind a dumpster, then takes care of two more beating them until they fall unconscious. There's no need to kill anyone.

_either help or do not harm_

He shakes his head. He shouldn't have stayed in the sun for so long. Afghan weather is exhausting.

He tries interrogating one of the soldiers; Ocelot reminds him he used to speak Russian. Now he can’t understand a single word. He would think how odd it is if he wasn’t so preoccupied with the current task.

One more guard and he's out of the sleeping darts. Ocelot suggests a supply drop but Venom doesn't want to waste any more time. He presses forward, from one spot to another.

Another guard defeated, Venom walks into a room that by the look of it is the command centre of this post.

A soft, slow melody is coming from a cassette player. Venom recognizes it in an instant. He last heard it long time ago, in another life.

He reaches out, knocks the cassette player off the table. Venom curses under his breath at his own clumsiness. He puts it back on the table. He stares, dumbfounded, because there's no cassette inside. The room is silent. Venom shakes his head. There's no time for that now.

He moves to another room, careful not to make any more noise. The place stinks; the whole area carries a stench of death.

Then he spots a man, one remaining hand cuffed to a pipe above him. They covered his head with a dirty bag, his clothes are torn and dirty. An empty sleeve covers what's left of his right arm.

His horn itches. Venom wants to go back and see the blood flow. He could paint the walls red. He could gut every soldier stationed here and enjoy the taste of revenge. He doesn’t want to think about it but he feels his horn grow bigger. Maybe. He’s not sure.

Ocelot's voice rings in his ear. He can barely understand what he says.

Venom exhales. He moves quickly, kneels in front of Kaz and grabs the bag to pull it off.

For one dreadful moment he doesn't dare to breath. Then Miller winces and groans, eyes pressed shut. Venom cradles Kaz's face in his arms, careful not to cause any more pain.

“Kaz, it's me. I'm here to get you out.” His own voice seems to come from someone else.

Kazuhira Miller opens his eyes, one of them just barely so as it's all swollen. His voice is a hoarse whisper. “Snake?”

Venom takes a shaky breath. Something clicks in his mind. His horn doesn’t itch anymore. The ringing in his head disappears, his thoughts silent.

He's Snake.

He's always been Snake.

Why would he ever doubt that?

Kaz's blue eye is looking at him, and him only, and it's like a light shines on Venom who pretends he's whole again.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N2: My headcanon is that Ocelot could easily get Kaz out. Suggesting he couldn’t shows him as incompetent.  
> Not only he chose not to but also he planned the whole thing (Kaz training troops there and getting taken) as a sort of “test” for Venom. What’s the worst thing could happen? Both V and Miller die – oopsie. Ocelot couldn’t care less, BB is safe anyway.  
> Another thing, as much as I consider vocelot my guilty pleasure ship, I like the idea of Venom being programmed to fear Ocelot, just to be safe the phantom turns all his attention to Miller.


End file.
